Back to School Time

What a summer it has been. Like many others, I spend most of the summer traveling about. One trip was to Pharr, Tx (full of blessings and great memories). I spend a month in Dallas at a school, where I studied, worshiped, fellowshipped, and studied some more. This was all followed up by a week’s vacation where R&R was the word(s) of the week. And now, I’m back in the office trying to get back in gear for the coming year.

All around me this week there have been students and parents getting back into their regular school-year mode. Parents took their Kindergarteners to the first day of class to begin their journey into formal schooling, where tears were shed (I think some of the children may have cried a bit too). On the other end of the spectrum, there were other parents loading up their college freshmen and leaving them on campus to begin a new journey of education. This event may be just as hard as that first day of Kindergarten.

Through all the days of my daughter’s school days, I knew that my job was to help her get to where she was able to leave my house and live on her own. It was my job to see that she made it to college and was equipped to stand on her own two feet when she got there. Her last year of high school grew harder and harder on my heart, as I knew the day was getting closer of when she would no longer be in my house every day. Even so I was proud to watch her grow and become someone who would be quite capable in the world out there.

Then the day actually came. I was going to be sooooo cool. I had it planned out to help her get settled in her room, spend the night and then take her to campus before driving off and leaving her that first day. “Bye. Have a great day” I planned to say as she got out of the car, and then I would smile, wave and drive away. No tears for me (I’m a happy crier). So I drove her to campus that morning, stopped, watched her hop out of the car and turn around to tell me goodbye. “Bye Mom, I love you” she said. Then time stopped.

The cute young woman standing before me suddenly shrank a couple of inches, sprouted long pig-tails, gained a lunchbox and an armful of books. All I could see was that little grade-school girl smiling and about to walk into the school. The tears began to well up. “Mom?” she said, waiting for my response. My cool-ness was quickly disappearing, but I managed a smile, a wave, and an “I love you too. Have a great day” before she closed the car door. Then time began to move again as I watched that confident young woman walk away.

Every new school year that comes around reminds me of days like that. Without the confidence that Jesus was at the center of her life, I don’t know how I could have left her there. My prayers right now certainly include the children and youth who are starting school again, that they may grow in wisdom, in the school and in the Sunday schools. I pray for their parents, that they may be wise in guiding their children to learn about Jesus as fervently as they worry about grades. Will you join me?

Where'd the Summer Go?

Yes, yes, yes, I've been amis in my postings. I just want to take this moment to give us all the opportunity to breathe in Summer just once more. Before school is moving fast... before everyone in the office is back from vacation... before the memories of time off begin to fade... just take a moment and slip back into that hammock on the breezy side of the South Pacific island you visitied. Take just one more moment to remember and enjoy because summer is just about officially over... well in officially in one month. But still, time to mentally and physically get in the swing of things... is here.

Perfect Parenting (or rather) Avoiding the Mistakes of Parenthood

(The following is a continuation of my views on msn.com’s story on “10 Big Mistakes Parents Make”.)

10) Not following though: How often have you heard a mom with kids in tow, moving up and down the aisles in the grocery store: “Johnny, don’t do that again or you won’t get candy when we leave. Johnny, this is your last chance, don’t don that. Okay Johnny, I’m giving you one more chance. Now Johnny, I told you not to do that again or else…” And then at the check out line, of course Johnny gets the candy anyway. No should always mean no, and yes should always mean yes. I trust God because I know that His promises are steadfast. God may pronounce His divine “I’VE HAD IT!” like he did so often with Moses about those “stiff-necked” people in the desert, but God didn’t threaten anything He wouldn’t follow through on, and Moses knew that. God, in His mercy, may change His mind about things, but what He says He will do, he will do. He should be our model in this. I believe that it is a loving act for parents to give their children a solid foundation in which to trust. Following through is a way to provide children with a foundational understanding of how to trust parents, in their "yes" and their "no".

Take a moment to consider your relationship with your Father in heaven, with you as His child, and then your relationship (as a parent) with your own beloved children.

Perfect Parenting (or rather) Avoiding the Mistakes of Parenthood

(The following is a continuation of my views on msn.com’s story on “10 Big Mistakes Parents Make”.)

9) Pushing trends on kids: Okay, I confess that fashion trends are not that vital to my life. In fact, as my daughter reads this, I know she was shocked that I knew what “Jimmy Choos” are (they are shoes). But in speaking about sharing your passions, I shared my passion of music, which included that period where practicing the piano was not an option for her. But I saw her own passion and her own gift and tried my best to encourage that (yes, she is a pianist, surpassing me). Ephesians 6:4 tells fathers (and mothers too), “do not exasperate your children" even when you are correcting them, and even when you are encouraging them to use their God-given gifts. I think this verse in Ephesians is showing an expectation of parents to deal gently with their children and find ways of encouraging moral behavior and faithfulness to God, as well as encouraging them to find a passion and use those gifts for God.

Take a moment to consider your relationship with your Father in heaven, with you as His child, and then your relationship (as a parent) with your own beloved children. (Watch for the rest of this list to be updated daily.)

Perfect Parenting (or rather) Avoiding the Mistakes of Parenthood

(The following is a continuation of my views on msn.com’s story on “10 Big Mistakes Parents Make”.)

8) Not teaching kids to fend for themselves: My papaw would say the old line, “Give a man a fish and feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and feed him for a lifetime.” I think this holds true for our children. For me, this goes back to items 3 and 5 on this list. In the gospel of Matthew, Jesus is described as the carpenter’s son. The gospel of Mark goes on to describe Jesus as a carpenter, presumably one who had followed Joseph into the trade. Jesus certainly was given a loving earthly father who, like generations before, gave their sons the gift of a trade or knowledge. I picture little Jesus in the shop, learning year after year how to build. I picture Joseph smiling as he envisions his son being able to enjoy life because of his trade and experience.

Take a moment to consider your relationship with your Father in heaven, with you as His child, and then your relationship (as a parent) with your own beloved children. (Watch for the rest of this list to be updated daily.)

Perfect Parenting (or rather) Avoiding the Mistakes of Parenthood

(The following is a continuation of my views on msn.com’s story on “10 Big Mistakes Parents Make”.)

7) Setting unreal expectations: After hearing my expectations (of keeping her room clean, telling the truth, coming home on time, etc) my daughter would sometimes question me, “Do you expect me to be perfect? I’m not perfect you know!”. My Wesleyan words came forth about striving for Christian perfection verses being perfect little robots. We are to “aim for perfection” (2 Cor 13:11), and to “press on” (Phil 3:12) in our imperfection. Regarding #7 on the list from msn, dreams of our children are important, but perhaps backing up to set expectations of following biblical principles and moral behavior should be a priority. If parents and children are moving together in that journey (for the most part) then helping your child reach their dreams (and not necessarily yours) is a joy.

Take a moment to consider your relationship with your Father in heaven, with you as His child, and then your relationship (as a parent) with your own beloved children. (Watch for the rest of this list to be updated daily.)

Perfect Parenting (or rather) Avoiding the Mistakes of Parenthood

(The following is a continuation of my views on msn.com’s story on “10 Big Mistakes Parents Make”.)

6) Not being a good spouse: However you read Eph 5:22-28 which says “Wives submit to your husbands…” and “Husbands love your wives…”, the focus of this passage is not to label a “boss”, but to set up a precedent for living out a loving and Christ-centered marriage. If the husband and wife and treating each other as they would Christ, then their children will be able to appreciate the loving picture of Christ as the bridegroom and the church as the bride. They will also have a clear picture of how to treat their own spouse in the future.

Take a moment to consider your relationship with your Father in heaven, with you as His child, and then your relationship (as a parent) with your own beloved children. (Watch for the rest of this list to be updated daily.)

Perfect Parenting (or rather) Avoiding the Mistakes of Parenthood

(The following is a continuation of my views on msn.com’s story on “10 Big Mistakes Parents Make”.)

5) Not giving kids enough responsibility: Just because children are young doesn’t mean that they are not an integral part of the family. Paul tells the young Timothy, “Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity” (1 Tim 4:12). Age should not set parameters on whether or not you have a responsibility, but how you participate responsibly. Sometimes setting a good example is a huge responsibility (my mother and grandmother’s words ring in my ear about that). Would not honoring one’s mother and father include helping them in any way that you can … just because?

Take a moment to consider your relationship with your Father in heaven, with you as His child, and then your relationship (as a parent) with your own beloved children. (Watch for the rest of this list to be updated daily.)

Perfect Parenting (or rather) Avoiding the Mistakes of Parenthood

(The following is a continuation of my views on msn.com’s story on "10 Big Mistakes Parents Make".)

4) Praising mediocrity: Praise is something set aside for great events and persons. God is worthy of our constant praise, not because he attempted to create and bring reconciliation, but because he alone is Lord of the universe who has created and is creating. Jesus is worthy of praise because he has defeated sin and death through His resurrection. In a more general sense, “praise” is a statement of greatness as when Jacob blessed Judah saying that his brothers would praise him (Gen 49:8). Praise is reserved for unparalleled greatness. When a parent doesn’t praise every step and action of their child, it doesn’t mean you are withholding love or admiration for the child. If children don’t learn the difference between greatness and mediocrity, how will they be able to appreciate the unsurpassing greatness of God, if everyone and everything is always worthy of praise?

Take a moment to consider your relationship with your Father in heaven, with you as His child, and then your relationship (as a parent) with your own beloved children. (Watch for the rest of this list to be updated daily.)

Perfect Parenting (or rather) Avoiding the Mistakes of Parenthood

(The following is a continuation of my views on msn.com’s story on “10 Big Mistakes Parents Make”.)

3) Failing to get involved at school: Deut 11:1-19 contains a call for parents to remember their experience in the desert and the lessons they learned, and then pass that on to their children. They are told to remember God’s ways and “Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.” What child doesn’t want to spend time with parents who offer love and support? It is the duty of parents to make sure their children are educated, especially in matters of school and faith. Moreover, it should be the joy of parents to have a hand in what their children learn and take to heart.

Take a moment to consider your relationship with your Father in heaven, with you as His child, and then your relationship (as a parent) with your own beloved children. (Watch for the rest of this list to be updated daily.)

Perfect Parenting (or rather) Avoiding the Mistakes of Parenthood

(The following is a continuation of my views on "10 Big Mistakes Parents Make".)

2) Inadequate discipline: Have you heard the quote, “Spoil the rod and spare the child”? For ten points, where does that quote come from? If you said the Bible, you are incorrect, as that saying is only a reference to Proverbs 13:24 which says, “He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.” (Also read Pr. 13:1,18 and 20). I don’t believe verse 24 is a call to beat your child, and I don’t even think it is saying that spanking is or isn’t a good idea. The focus is the necessity of discipline, not a singular method of punishment. When I look back at my childhood and youth, I don’t think about the punishments I justly received, but I do appreciate the fact that they tried to teach me right and avoid wrong, for my own benefit.

Take a moment to consider your relationship with your Father in heaven, with you as His child, and then your relationship (as a parent) with your own beloved children. (Watch for the rest of this list to be updated daily.

Perfect Parenting (or rather) Avoiding the Mistakes of Parenthood

Since I am and always have been the perfect parent … (uhm, what if my daughter reads my blog…? Let me rephrase…) Since I am a parent … (and even though my daughter is in her twenties and married) articles like the one on msn.com catch my eye and give me two thoughts: 1) what kind of parent was I then? and 2) how does their list match up to biblical principles? So take a moment to look at “10 Big Mistakes Parents Make” … go ahead and look … I’ll wait …

So, now that you’re back, here are my thoughts on the list:

1) Spoiling kids: I immediately think of Veruca Salt, the spoiled rich girl in the movie, “Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory”, who begins and ends most of her diatribes with “I want it now”. Her father, like many modern parents seem to think that giving in to the “wants” is chief method of showing love. Mr. Salt is obviously afraid that his daughter will not know how much he loves her if he doesn’t give in to her constant demands. The image of a good father who gives what we need (as opposed to wants) is found in Mt 7:9-11. "Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!” Food (like bread and fish) is vital to life. The latest model donkey or toga (BMW or Jimmy Choos) is not so vital.

Take a moment to consider your relationship with your Father in heaven, with you as His child, and then your relationship (as a parent) with your own beloved children. (Watch for the rest of this list to be updated daily.)